Veronica is an online writer from New York who enjoys sharing relationship advice. Let's say you and your ex split because of their busy schedule and your inability to deal with it. Six months later, you still love each other. Should you try dating again? We'll assume that their "busy schedule" does not mean their spouse-perhaps it's work, hobbies, kids, charity work, religious commitments, season tickets, or friends.
That if I wanted to continue to communicate while he was away that we could talk about the logistics before his departure. I wrote back but I don't think he received my e-mail in time. He said that he had taken care of the big items and just had to pack and load everything.
Anyhow, I did write him for Christman and than for the New Year. Still, haven't heard from him. I do miss not hearing from him. I don't know why I haven't and I'm a little taken aback by that. I told him in a letter that I know he has a job that takes him away in the states and aboard and that I'm also busy, and I understand that and I don't have a problem with that.
I am willing to spend whatever time he can give me and I him. I guess I am wondering why I haven't heard from him. I decided not to e-mail him anymore and to wait and see if he does contact me. This could be a innocence thing or not. At this point I don't know. Any comment on this, I would appreciate a man's point of view. Thank You.
I broke up with my EX in September. We had been dating for 8 months. He had just came home from Iraq when we started dating. He wasn't working so we had a lot of time together. He has one daughter and I have a son. He started working in March and still made time for us. It wasn't as much as before but he made it work. In late April the time we spent together and our talk time decreased and decreased. He blamed it on his job being demanding. I was understanding and told him that my schedule was open when he had time.
I thought I was being supportive. We barely talked, maybe once a week verbally and every other day through text. He then started to email me about how our relationship had changed and how could we get back to the way it was in the beginning.
I told him that his schedule seemed to conflict with my availability.
Confirm. why hes dating her instead of you consider, that
I was still open for when he was available to hang out. He said he would make time but never did. I respected their time and when he was at work I didn't either, not unless he emailed or texted me first. I emailed him in the morning before he went into work or tried to call. Anyhow, things only went downhill and he seemed to not realize that he was the one that had very little time, yet I was still patiently waiting and not complaining.
The only time I brought up time was when he emailed me about the relationship changing. In September I broke it off with him because yet again I got another email about us not having conversational spark I poured my heart out to him telling him how I was beginning to feel like I was in the relationship alone, not because of his schedule but more because of us not talking. When I would text or email he wouldn't respond to me but was able to post on Facebook. When I would call and that was rarely ever because I never knew if he was busy he would call back hours later after I was in bed Even the day we broke up I asked him if he wanted it to work His response was "I don't know", so I felt like all this time I've been patient with him trying to supportive and now he tells me this.
He also said his time was only going to get worse and he made me upset when he mentioned he talked to others about his time with me but wouldn't talk to me about it. It was like he was afraid to have a conversation with me. On the day we broke up it had been 8 days since we last verbally talked and a month since we last saw each other we live 20 minutes away from one another. We didn't talk for about a month after the break up and then he texts me and invites me over.
I gave in and went I was hoping to get some sort of closure of what happened with us. Instead we ended up having sex Such a bad decision. I tried to talk to him afterwards about maybe working it out and he seemed to be upset saying, "what is there to talk about?
He also said I thought his problems revolved around me. Not sure of how when I never knew what was going on with him. We barely talked and when I would half way mention anything about what was going on he was short with me an cut me off. I just want to get past this. I am not sure as to why I keep thinking about him and feeling bad.
He said he still loves me but I am not to sure of that and just want to move on. If it's meant to be it will be I guess I have a huge confusion. I broke up with a guy I had been going out with since a year. I had entered into it when I was 17 and realised how stupid I was by the time I was But before I broke up with him, I met an amazing witty guy and probably I realised that I had jumped into a commitment too soon and broke off things with the bf.
The amazing witty guy has always been my friend, and I adore him and respect him. I ofcourse have a huge crush on him,but I don't want to do anything about it cos I broke up with my guy just 5 months back. This new guy is so compatible with me, and he adores me back the way I do. He's so busy for me though, and he's elder to me by 5 years, he's so mature and takes care of me and calls himself my 'well-wisher and friend'. He just never opens up,he's so reserved, and with me, he's become better.
Sometimes he claims " I cant stop talking to u man", " Things will change btw us, right now its best we are friends"" I adore you. I have asked him to be honest so many times, that if he aint interested in me, he should tell me on the face so that I can quit talking to him and move on. He never ever says anything about it and gets into a lecture mode advising me about my life, he acts like my father!
He's really close to me, and understands me a lot,and I am not looking for anything romanticbut I just wish to god I could figure out what' going on in his mind. Sometimes he behaves like a dad, or a mom, sometimes he protects me, he also flirts with me,he's giving out a mixture of signals I have no idea how to interpret.
The most silent yet complicated guy I could have ever met. But god I admire him so much and cant stop talking to him. He's so calm and quiet and hardly talks,he's a wonderful friend to me and he is so selflessly caring for me all the time.
But the only thing is that he's detached and most of the times,if I say' can i speak to u' he by default says ' NO'and then after asking him times, he agrees and we have a great time, and he then messages me saying how much fun he had. So is he interested in me? If so, is it romantic, or just as a friend? Should I still be his friend? Help me interpret this guy. I really need advice! I met this guy in October on a dating site, we realized we both grew up in the same area We met and it was like we'd known each other for months He asked me if we became serious if Id be willing to move.
We talked another week, saw each other again, I stayed with him, he made me breakfast in the morning I didn't see him the next weekend and I did ask him if everything was ok, he is a highschool teacher. Well, I have not seen him since the end of Oct. I asked again a few weeks ago if everything was ok since his texts were next to nothing unless I text first, then he'd answer.
About a week ago I asked again only because I was afraid he was trying to spare my feelings! He said he barely has time for himself let alone anything else, again apologizes for bad timing, tells me he's not dating anyone else he took down his online profile after we met I asked if he wanted to pursue something with me if so I could be patient and he said he wants to but with the way things are going, it won't be until end of Jan when his schedule goes back to normal.
Still he doesn't initiate contact, we talked a week ago and I text him that I missed him about 4 days ago and got no reply I've sent nothing else since. I want to believe he's genuine and honest and that if I'm patient until Jan something good will happen, I feel different about him, can't explain it.
But am I totally crazy for going along with this? Is he just trying to ease out of it? Or is his life that hectic right now that he feels like he can't give anything in a relationship? Sorry so long! I wanted to be as detailed as possible, I really need to make a decision. Hi Ladies! I hope someone can help me feel a little more at ease.
Or maybe I will just by venting! I am an insecure person by nature from an unstable childhood. I am not the type of girl to send a million texts, or phone calls, I dont check in, I dont give them the 3rd degree or play 20 questions.
We have been seeing each other for 4 months now. It is long distance, which I have never done before. I do not have a car so it is about 4 hours mass transit for me to go to him. He is a police officer but he works in training academy so his schedule is more stable than your average patrol officer. Also my 2 days off from work I spend all day at my school. So it is not easy for us to get together. For the first 2 months he pursued me so much! It felt great, his actions not just words showed so much interest in me.
So we only had 2 weekends together in september. But he still called frequently. But I would need to plan it! He said he's not the planning type. He said cool! My insecure self is wondering, is this a lack of interest? I miss him a lot because the newness of the relationship hasnt worn off for me.
Then half way thru october he finds out his mother has pancreatic cancer!
Why hes dating her instead of you
Now let me say that when we are together in person he is great! I feel good with him, he is affectionate, he takes care of me.
I'm happy when we are together.
7 Signs You're Dating the Wrong Guy
But I can tell he is getting more comfortable. Little things like he takes phone calls when I am around not when we are busy or anything like that he will burp a few times, simple things. I'm not sure if I will get to see him at all for november. I am starting to feel like he takes me for granted. Or maybe I am no longer a high priority for him? Last weekend he was supposed to spend sunday night with me.
So he didnt come down. Of course I can understand that. But where do I fit in?
Is this just a case of him not being quite that interested in me? But I wonder, will he actually make time for me? Or is it my insecurities getting in the way? I want more time with him, how can we grow as a couple?
I also think our communication needs are different. I think he is ok only getting in touch with me every few days where I want to hear his voice every day! Hes such a cool guy, he turns me on in many ways. I was wondering, why is it that a man will live with you as man and wife or ask you tobut 'isn't ready' for marriage? I don't get the 'difference' on his end? Seems like he wants to live with me as a wife, so why not marry me?
Thank you so much for this.
I just started seeing a guy about six weeks ago and he's finishing up his Ph. I very rarely contact him and he very rarely contacts me. It's actually getting to the point that if we contact each other once a week it's a miracle, let alone see each other. What I realized is I'm a stand by girl, not someone he really wants to be with even though he told me he likes me and likes being with me.
If he did he would make more of an effort mainly because I do when he asks for it. Sadly, I do really like this guy, but I also am logical enough to know that this will probably not last since he's making it clear that HIS stuff comes first. Oh well. Finally, i think i have found the very person that can help me with my problem with my too clingy boyfriend. People have been telling me that i am so lucky with my boyfriend.
He is honest, faithful and he does almost everything i wish. We have been together for 6 years now. I really love him. I really do.
But somehow this relationship is suffocating me. We are always together. He stays in my place almost all the time. He would adjust his working schedule with mine so that we would have more time seeing each other. He also comes with me when i hang out with my friends.
Everywhere i go, he is always there. It seems that he doesn't have a life at all. It seems that i am being too dependent on him and he's too dependent on me too. I don't want this kind of relationship. There's something wrong and it frustrates me not being able to point it out to him or even to myself.
Recommend why hes dating her instead of you above told
I have asked him a lot of times to give each other space but he always tells me we don't have to end up that way. And i am also scared to push on that because i know i still love him. But as i have said, something is wrong with our relationship I would really appreciate it. My bf of yrs is too busy for my liking. When we started dating grew lived an hour away. Then 6mo ago he bought a house only 5 min from me. Although he is really close I only see him once every week out two.
He is so busy working on the house he has no time me. I'm not clingy at all. He seems to get a little irritated that I keep busy with family and friends. The only constant has ben talking daily on the phone for a good while. He pushed for us to be exclusive which I like but it's to the point where things aren't adding up anymore.
I have a guy friend of a different religion with me. I am a free thinker. He spends almost 2 weekday nights and 1 weekend per week on his religion. Currently we go out on one weekend and sometimes a weekday dinner. I know he has been trying to spend more time with me. We are not in a relationship yet because I forsee we might face some problems with his religion in the longer term.
However everything is good about him his character and the way he treats me. He has never preached about his religion or expect me to convert.
Apart from the differences in religious beliefs, I feel very disturbed and insecure as he might get more religious commitments in the future and have no time for me. Should I try out with him? How do I make it work out? If ever we get married with kids, how is it possible for him to spend time with the family? I have read what you wrote and I hear you.
I don't feel professionally qualified to give advice, and in fact I tend to believe that facilitating growth, understanding and identifying what an individual wants for themselves is the best and most healthiest course of action in these circumstances.
Life is not about avoiding adversity and it's not about avoiding taking risks. However, there are times when I believe that another person's behavior overrules those principles. It does not sound to me, from what I read, that you are in any immediate danger or being mistreated in an emotional or physical way. I think you need to help yourself decide if this relationship is the kind of relationship you want for yourself?
I know it feels painful to have the kinds of thoughts you are having, but it is a necessary process towards growth and understanding. Perhaps, you could make a list of pros and cons of being in your relationship? Perhaps, you could ask yourself how much your relationship adds to your happiness?
Are you being realistic about how your relationship should affect your life? Is your boyfriend a person you would choose to have as a friend as well as a lover? I think so many people make the mistake of seeing their partner only as a lover, without developing a real friendship and finding out whether they actually 'like' their partner as a friend?
I think you also have to be really honest about how you affect the dynamics between you? It is often reported that some people with interpersonal issues actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy of never being with the right person, because they place to much emphasis on the relationship in terms of their happiness.
It seems to me that you outlined feeling too attached as a possible negative for you and your relationship. Being happy takes just as much energy as being unhappy you just have to choose which you prefer and how you might best acquire it.
I thought I would ate I sent my fiance' an email entitled "how I feel". I wanted to be heard, but I also wanted to ensure that when I have these kinds of feelings, that we are still able to work as a team in order to resolve them.
I recognise in the past that I have made him responsible or caused him to feel defensive due to the language I have used to express myself or the tone. We are equals and he is my best-friend so I spoke to him like that.
I spoke to my best-friend as honestly as I could, I owned my own feelings and I asked for his help in resolving the feelings I outlined. I will do my absolute best not to be accusatory or un-team like. First of all. I wish I did not feel like I do a times, I really do.
I would much rather just go along with life and in my relationships without these kinds of feelings, but that does not always seem to be the way.
I am just letting you know that this is not projection or transference, or a way to get your attention in a negative way. This is genuinely how I feel. I am not making you responsible. This is just how I feel. Last night at the end of our call you joked about ending the call and talking to me next week when I whined about you fitting me in with your schedule. I know that was a joke, but it triggered feelings in me that have felt unresolved. Sometimes I feel like I go to extra lengths and make compromises to the extent of our communication, so that you do not feel added pressure along with all the other things in your life by me or our relationship.
Sometimes I feel like I try to slacken the strain, tiredness, demands you feel in your life by making myself seem less of a priority.
Sometimes I feel like I go out of my way for thanking you for making time for me or calling, but I do not get the same in return when I scrafice my own needs. Sometimes I feel like I have to feel grateful for the time you give me, because it is an improvement on how you may have behaved in previous realtionships.
Sometimes that feels unfair because I was not in those relationships and I did not experience those dynamics. You will notice that I have said 'sometimes', because I do not feel like that all of the time. Just sometimes.
I think we are good for each other and well-mathced, but I think that this issue is perhaps our achilles heel, and I want to find a way to give it less power in our relationship. I wonder sometimes if I make this dynamic worse by feeling responsible for how your work demands etc effect you and how I feel I should compensate for that?
I really don't want this to blow-up in my face. I really need to feel like I can be honest about how I may feel. I don't want to feel like that, which is why I am being honest and so that we can find a way to avoid these situations.
I know I am not going to feel special all the time in our relationship, but I am trying to assertain wherer that comes from and how we can reslove it? I love you a whole lot, and you are a wonderful supportive partner. I can count on your support and advise. You do go above and beyond at times to be there for me.
I want us to have a future together. I want to be with you. I just don't want to feel like I have described above, or at least find a way to make sense of it, or deal with it.
I won't ask you for more of your time, because I don't want to place those kinds of demands on you. I don't like to be unresonable with others, but I think that perhaps I minimise my needs for the sake of others.
As I said, I feel I am responsible for this dynamic in some way. My fiance' was great and was more than happy to have a phone conversation about how I feel.
He took responsibility for the dynamics he feels he is responsible for, and I realised that I also contribute to the feelings I feel, by minimising my own feelings for the sake of others, by feeling heightened feelings about our relationship at specific times. It was a great call and we were both relaxed and worked through everything. Since that conversation he has gone out of his way to call me every day.
We agreed that even if we only talked for 5 minutes, so that we could hear each other or just touch base, was better than ruling out a conversation, because it would not be a very long or in depth one, which is what I had done in the past. I immediately felt better after our conversation, because we had the space to work out where these feelings were coming from without blaming each other.
I try my best to take owndership of my feelings. I think it's a very important t to any relationship.
Instead of "you make me feel", it should be "I feel". I have learned a lot through my life, but what I have learned through the time we have been together is how important the art of communication is. I thought long and hard about whether to post my email to him on here, and I have because, I hope that it might help someone else with similar issues.
Love is complex, and tricky, and painful and rewarding, and inspiring, and so many things. But, it's worth all of the time and energy to be with someone you love and who allows you to express yourself and grow. I have my own relationship issues sadly. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over two years and been friends for even longer. We are both For the past few months I have been so unhappy with him and myself.
I have become too dependent on him for my own happiness and it just took a toll on me. He started doing more of his own thing and seeing whoever he wanted because he knew I would always be around.
He is more in love with his friends than me half of the time. I go can hang out with him and his friends if I want, but if I dont go he will still do whatever. I recently tried to break it off, but he won't let me. He claims he loves me and won't be happy with himself if he looses me, but when I ask for the simplest things such as calling in the morning rather than sending a text message he replies with, " I dont have to call right away when I wake up.
He cannont commit to plans with me. He says plans change and he never knows what he will be doing a week from now. The problem is I thought we were supposed to be growing together in this relationship, but I feel more like I am growing up and maturing for a more serious relationship and he is stuck in his immature ways of staying up till 4am doing whatever it is. He can never plan a date either, I have put so much effort into this relationship that I am just emotionally drained.
He says he wants to try and fix us and show me he cares so much, but why don't I believe him. I can't seem to let go of how hurt I am by his lack of effort lately. I am a pretty damn independent person too.
Rather why hes dating her instead of you like topic
I am a competetive swimmer and a full time student and I work two jobs, but I still have time to dedicate to someone who just thinks I am too attached.
Any phone call just turns into an argument because I secretly know nothing will change. Can't change people. Am I right in thinking this is not going anywhere? I say that, because my situation is quite complex, in terms of dynamics rather than being with the right person. Here goes:. I met my fiance' 3. It was not a relationship forum and neither of us were actively looking for a relationship at the time, but we formed a connection, which turned into a friendship and then romance.
He IS my Mr. He is not some perfect being and I do see him flaws and all, but I love the person he chooses to be. However, and this is where I may seem conflicted about saying I love the person he chooses to be, he is married to his job, plus he has other commitments that also take up a lot of his time.
We are still living miles apart immigration process is in progress and I wonder if I struggle with him being so busy due to the distance or whether it is something I will struggle with when we are married and living together full-time? He does make an effort to make sure he stays connected with me when he is busy, by sending me tweets on Twitter in between his work commitments, and I know he is mindful of that, because of past relationships and his issues with work and, due to things I have mentioned in the past.
I try my best to be super supportive and do not put pressure on him when he is going miles an hour. I just wonder how this will feel when we are married -I am a little afraid. I am super motivated and I will have a busy schedule myself once I am living with him. Things have slowed down for me whilst we are in the immigration process, but this issue of him devoting so much of his time outside of our relationship keeps cropping up for me. I think I would be stupid to give up on a relationship that feels right in so many ways just because of this issue.
I think we tend to priorities life differently in terms of work and commitments. I tend to put the people in my life who I love the most first, and sometimes he puts his commitments first and gets around to the people he loves when he has satisfied his commitments. He does not do that all of the time, but there is a pattern. I know there are times in relationships when you have to take care of yourself without relying on your partner to be there all the time.
I just want to get the balance right. I don't want to be one of those long suffering wives who makes so many compromises for her man and regrets it 10 or 15 years down the road.
Like I said, we broke up almost 4 weeks ago. Because for the past 2 months he took up a new job and has had maybe 3 days off in 2 months But world, please believe me when I say that everything else in this relationship was wonderful! The love we shared, we both agreed we had never felt that way before. I thought we were really happy. Well that evening when he got to work. Now I know how stupid this might be of me,but believe me my heart says dont let him go But there is probably NO hope since he told me.
Is there any hope at all? Do I just stop trying and calling? OR is it plain to see it will never happen again?
But then came Aug 14th, and he called me after working that night and I told him "If you think Im going to keep doing this for more months youre crazy! I asked him last night and several times before, "Is there a chance we could ever try again? I wish he could just open his eyes and see what I see.
I wish his heart will tell him to be with me and not let me go. After coming out of a six year long relationship, I thought an angel had come into my life when he first approached me and we got together. He was affectionate, caring, loving- everything that lacked in my previous relationship. This lasted for about two months where I spent almost every night at his house and we were always together.
He never sends sweet texts, if he ever even does text me, however when I do see him he is affectionate and caring and makes everything seem like it's okay. The thing is, when I do see him it is not out of invite, but out of coicindence.
Jul 03, Shani Jay Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach. Shani holds a mirror to your soul, so you can see how beautiful you already are. She is the founder of She Rose Revolution, a bestselling author, empowerment leader, and an internationally published writer. Her words have reached and touched millions, while her books have made their way into the hands and hearts of thousands of . Sep 08, Instead he'll call you his friend in public, or will tell his friends that he's been hanging out with you, even when he knows and shows you that his feelings are deeper for you. To a guy, the label of girlfriend makes him think of additional responsibilities, which may include financial, legal, or even taking the walk down the aisle, which he. Why He's Dating Her (instead of You) Why He Didn't Commit, Why He Left, and Why You're Still Hooked: 10 Ways to Be the Woman Every Man Wants (Book): Henderson, Emilee.
For example, yesterday I texted him telling him I was stopping by his house to get all of my stuff for school. He was supposed to be up north as he was all week long huntingbut when I got to his house he was actually home.
I know he had just gotten home, because the dog sitter was just on her way out. When I approached him, he said he was about to text me for getting together the following day. Before leaving, I tried to express how I was feeling, which I have never really been able to do because I never get a chance to see him and don't want to make matters worse. His repsonse was, in his last relationship he lived with the girl for two years and was always around her.
He doesnt want to get tired of the person he is with, and needs time to do his own thing. He says he is just an indepentent guy. He called after I left apologizing and saying he will put forth his half as long as I put forth mine. However, he also said it is hard because he works when I'm in school and likes to have his time to do fun things on the weekends. I am trying to see the positive parts to this relationship.
After all, maybe this is a good thing. I am still only 20 years old and maybe I shouldn't be so attached. Maybe I am this way because I am used to always being around the person in my last relationship.
Perhaps this is a good time for me to explore and find myself and to learn not to be so dependant on other people. Maybe he is like this way because of his age Even before we started dating I knew he was a very busy person. Maybe I did take for granted that he at first took away all of his busy weekends to spend time with me. This is the only thing that gets to me He tells his friends about me, I've met his family, he makes it clear through his words that he does want this to be a lasting relationship.
On this flip side, he doesn't put in any effort, is always busy, and no longer shows any affection unless I am physically there with him. I even texted him last night about getting together on Thursday, but got no response. I am trying very hard not to be pushy, or look needy, but I am afraid if I continue to be okay with this he will never change his ways.
Maybe I am just thinking too much about all of this, all together! I am just looking for someone on the "outside" to analyze this and help me make a decision on the next best step forward. I care about him so much and hate the idea of letting go of anyone until I have given it my all.
Just a little over a year ago he got a job that he would be doing some traveling and some work locally. Since he has had this job he has been gone during the whole week and home on weekends or he is gone for 2 or 3 weeks at a time if he is traveling far away. At first it was kind of hard, but now i feel like it's just not the same when we see each other on weekends or when he is home for a few days. We have called and e-mail each other less and less.
When we do see each other we are not so much loving to each other. We never have been clingy to each other and i just feel like he is just as loving.
I have confronted him about how i am feeling. He wants to make it work, but I feel that after talking to him and almost two months later things haven't gotten better. What should I do? Hi, I've been dating with my new colleague for 2 months, we've been going out and spending a lot of time together for the last month and suddenly due to his busy work schedule he's not spending any time with me after work.
We only exchange text. We had a chat few days ago and he says he love me but he's afraid that he can't commit to me because of work. I am also returning back to school to complete my degree program and will leave the company soon. Can you advice what I should do? I feel the solution is fairly simple. If you do not feel like you are being treated like you deserve to, what are you still doing in that relationship?
If you want it to work, then make it work. If not, then find somebody who meets your communication and attention standards. I been dating for 2 months but he to busy with his life I do the running as I do text him first then he text. I feel so low because If he was not seeing me it would be nice just send a text to me just saying hi or something.
My bf 22 and I 21 are in a relationship for almost 2,5 yrs with the first 2 years being spent long-distance. We've had just the weekends for each other and it was almost exclusively me commuting to the city we both come from and he lives in and lived while I was studying 4 hrs by train away. I've been through many different things with this my bf: I met him when he dropped out of economy uni and started his preps for medicine; I supported him through all his medical preparatory studying; I was there when he got accepted and started studying While I understand that studying medicine is terribly demanding he doesn't work btwI still believe in the proverbial "where's a will, there's a way".
I'm from an active family and I love to travel around, be outdoors, hike, suntan on the meadow, horseback ride, you name it In fact, all his possible time or so I see it is spent studying. We've had some serious talks already about our future and we've agreed on being together but not pushing it too much. I often feel neglected and it's driving me crazy He says he doesn't have money for all my trip ideas but he's from a rich family, I'm sure his parents would support him.
In Finland I plan to see one my online friend whom I've known for 10 years and have never met. In fact, he told me this:. I mean, really What am I to think about all this? I am just so confused, questioning my behavior, his behavior, my demands, my personality He said he wanted to be together so we started dating. After i went back he called everyday and skyped everyday.
He never seems to have the time to talk to me, unless i'm too busy to talk to him at the moment. Renee, clearly he is was not a commitment phobic. He was, however, unable and unwilling to commit to you. I think you saw the red flags and chose to ignore them.
You also had a gut instinct and chose to ignore that. It appears rather than address the issues of the relationship upfront with him,you chose to be manipulative by ending it and hoping he would miss you.
So from what I can gather, you went along for 5 years in a relationship where you werent fully satisfied or your needs met. Rather than being in denial and shifting the blame onto him by thinking he was a committmeny phobe, asl yourself why you stayed in a relationship where you were treated poorly. And would you really want to be marrying a guy that has cheated on you for years?
Because that is what his new wife will be marrying. Sorry to sound harsh. I'm going through such heartache at the moment. I requested this break 2 months ago, in hopes that it would give him the space he needed in his man cave and some time to miss me; he agreed.
He had a habit of disappearing around the holidays and going long periods of time without contact. We are both in very lucrative careers and are very active in our communities which is great since we are in our 20's. He contacts me today to tell me he is engaged and this is Goodbye.
Title: Why He's Dating Her (Instead of You) - Why He Didn't Commit, Why He Left, and Why You're Still Hook Format: Paperback Product dimensions: pages, 8 X 5 X in Shipping dimensions: pages, 8 X 5 X in Published: November 11, Language: English. Mar 31, Why He's Dating Her (Instead of You) - Why He Didn't Commit, Why He Left, and Why You're Still Hooked - 10 Ways to Be the Woman Every Man Wants by Emilee Henderson. NOOK Book (eBook) $ $ Save 30Current price is $, Original price is $ You Save 30%.Pages: It does not really provide any insight into why he would be dating her instead of you. It reads at about a fifth-grade level, and if it weren't for some of the advice being so bad, that's who i would recommend it to/5(3).
The man that couldn't commit to a "relationship" can commit to a marriage. I asked for the break because it had gotten odd at the end, as I felt it my heart that he may be seeing someone else.
He would go through such extremes to get me back but would then sour out when I submitted to him. We grew up together and this is painful because we were best friends before we were dating. I started dating a guy about a month and a half now. We became official after out third date because he just liked me so much and had to have me to himself.
It felt sweet and romantic at first but now it feels like he was only wanted me to be his girlfriend so that only he would have me when he wanted and that he wasnt sharing with anyone else. When we first met I could get him to stop calling or texting me, now he makes excuses that he gets too busy at work he owns a small up and coming construction company I understand the demands of his career and he does have two children 10 and 6 He is 33 and I am 25, I am in school studying to be a nurse so I am busy also, but I just feel like I make more of an effort than he does.
Omg forget about calling him, I can never get him on the phone, when he does answer he tells me to call back in 10 mins and when I do he doesnt answer, it really gets me upset. I know people will say its early and I should walk away but then I feel like I am giving up.
He has asked me to wait through the rough patch he is going through right now and I really would like to but I feel like I am robbing myself of potential happiness especially since he cant say how long this rough patch might last. I dont know if at my age I can handle this.
He also likes to talk about money alot which makes me uncomfortable, he feels if he buys me nice things or gives me money that it will smooth things over but I tell him repeatedly that I am insulted by it. I will take human contact over money any day.
Seems why hes dating her instead of you Thanks! True
He has no respect for my time, its as if he doesnt think I have important things to do also. Should I just leave now since it's still early and wont hurt as much? I mean I feel like the abandoned housewife and its only the 2nd month of the relationship!
The truth of the matter is, If a guy wants to see you he will make the time and see you. And if he wants to call he will call. Why do we do this to ourselves? But there is a difference between being "busy" and being unavailable emotionally or physically. I have been in the "Busy" relationship and I advise you girls strongly to NOT do any of the following.
Please dont think you can change a man to make time for you if he doesnt do so voluntarily. He will not certainly NOT change as long as you make things easy for him. As long as you enable him to treat you badly, he will do so.
You are teaching him that inconsiderate behavior towards you is okay. The longer this situation goes on, the more it will become normal to him that this is how things are and are supposed to be. He will be puzzled once you do stand up to him, and he ll see you as emotional and irrational.
Express your needs quickly, and if he cannot meet them no matter the reason: move on! A man is not a fragile bird which you need to pamper and be patient with until it is ready to fly. You are not his mother, you don't need to raise your own man. By being too understanding, you will only let yourself be walked all over, rob him of his masculinity, and send him the message that you are needy and not worth more than the little crumbs of affection and attention that he is throwing at you now.
So just don't put up with anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, underdesirable, etc. You dont really have a realistic alternative. Yes, you can cling on to your dream of how this guy could be so wonderful 'if only The whole thing will eventually backfire in a very ugly way. The longer you tell yourself lies, the worse you will feel once reality catches up with you.
I know how easy it is to give such advice but how hard it is to accept it and act to it. I made that mistake with a guy myself very recently. I felt that I had to keep the peace, to be understanding, patient, to reach out to a guy more in order to compensate for his busy schedule, social shortcomings, cultural differences, etc.
I felt this was my only chance of getting closer to him or otherwise I would lose him due to what I perceived as unfortunate circumstances. I didnt want to be a victim of faith and decided to take matters into my hand and make things happen. I took all responsibility for carrying this affair all by myself. What I didnt realize was that it didnt stand a chance.
It was not the circumstances that caused the troubles, it was him. He is just not capable or willing to start something real with me, and I really mean minimum commitment. I just wanted to have fun and then see where this would go or not go. I dont want to marry or have his babies or whatever. This guy said he liked me, but never acted like it.
I feel he is not ready for a relationship, or maybe just not with me. I just wish he had the guts to tell me this, but he kind of kept me on hold instead for several months and tried to do so for another four months until he would come visit me, as we live in different countries in Europe. I feel it was not necessarily bad intent from him that he cant make things happen. I think he doesnt know himself what he wants. Although he is funny and entertaining, he is also inconsiderate and immature and doesnt give things much thought.
He kind of lives in the moment. And despite his positive qualities and yummie good looks that s eventually not what I m looking for. I m sure he thought he wanted to spend time with me theoretically, but he never made much effort. He was always busy, there was always something else to do. He was very unrealistic about his time planning, and I think that sometimes people lie to themselves too.
Maybe he wanted to see that someone special in me, but he was never sure in the end so he never made it real. If you are worried so much that you just read all these posts on all these websides, think about it.
Something must be wrong, or you are crazy to spend your time like that. I dont think you are crazy, ladies. Just very nice and willing to work on things that are not to be rescued.
northamericanjunioramateur.com: Why He's Dating Her (Instead of You): Why He Didn't Commit, Why He Left, and Why You're Still Hooked - 10 Ways to Be the Woman Every Man Wants (Audible Audio Edition): Emilee Henderson, Stacey Glemboski, KRE: Audible Audiobooks/5(3). Dec 16, One thing is clear, you wanted the relationship to work but he obviously wasn't on that same page. You just weren't "the one" for him. Love is a gamble, and we all take a leap of faith. Maybe your inability to deal with their busy schedule was a factor. This leads us to the other type of person in the dating world. People Who Get Serious When the Person Is Right. If this is the right person, being busy wouldn't be a deal-breaker for you.
You better trust your own gut feeling of the situation, as most guys are used to just doing things. They are emotionally less in touch with themselves and dont think about stuff as much as women do. Set your own standard and do not settle for anything less. You are worth a balanced relationship and a guy who will treat you just as well as you treat him. If you are curious what happened with me and that guy: after the gazillionth excuse, I told him how disappointed I was in him.
Then he got mad at me for not believing him dat he was going to do things in time, and he backed out completely. I cant be bothered anymore. It was a tough lesson for me because I really liked this guy. But regardless of cultures, social skills, etc, the truth is some things will not work out, no matter how hard one person tries. It takes two to tango. Hi, im having the same problem. Hi I would like some advice please. I always over-analyse absolutely everything, but just can't seem to help it!
Basically, I've been dating this guy who's in the Royal Marines for about a month 7 dates in total where he has always insisted on paying- although I do offer to do so btw!
Well we met on a site- although I didn't get into it to meet anyone as such and just wanted friendship. So we really began messaging about 8 weeks ago. Then he asked if we could meet, as he lives only about an hour away from me. I found out that he'd broken his leg he arrived at our date on crutches and that's why he was staying at home with his family although he is usually based about 2 hours away. Well the date was great- he gave me compliments, we spent about 9 hours together etc!!
Well he texted me the following day to ask if I wanted to go to the cinema in the evening, which we did and again it was great. Then a few days later I met him in his village to go to the cinema and I met his parents and his nan- no awkwardness whatsoever! Then there was about 3 weeks between then and our next date, as he has a really busy schedule- just bout an old car so has been getting it done before going back to work, he's training for another job can't really say what it isseeing his friends etc and on occasion he's asked me to do something and I've already made plans.
Well we ended up going out and spending the whole day together, went out for food and he came back to my house and met my parents- again there was no awkwardness whatsoever. He was really relaxed.
I should point out that by this stage he had yet to make a move and we hadn't kissed or anything. But he would flirt and kinda linger as though he wanted to kiss me then.
Well the week after that we again went out for food and watched a dvd at his parents house and I ended up staying over! Then saw his family again in the morning and everything was fine- kiss goodbye etc. However he had told me the night before that he was moving back to base and going back to work the week after today in fact.
So I was a bit gutted. Well he texted on the thursday and friday- he initiated. Then he didn't reply to my text on saturday until monday morning, when he asked if he could pop in to see me.
At first I thought I would give him a taste of his own medicine and not replyat least not straight away. Well 15 mins later he calls me, so I said that of course he could pop in. Which I thought was nice?
Clearly showing that he wanted to see me. He didn't even have to tell me that he was in the area. Then I texted him to say was nice to see him and for him to have a good day. He replied that yeah it was nice. Well, I texted him the next day this tuesday and he still has yet to get in touch. He's moving back to base also today! The model takes into account factors including the age of a rating, whether the ratings are from verified purchasers, and factors that establish reviewer trustworthiness.
Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. Verified Purchase. This book's advice was basically a regurgitation of many of the other relationship books out there, with all the depth removed. It does not really provide any insight into why he would be dating her instead of you. It reads at about a fifth-grade level, and if it weren't for some of the advice being so bad, that's who i would recommend it to.
Very funny. Yet pretty true at times. This book has such great advise that we would all like to do. It helps you get a new start in the right direction. See all reviews from the United States. There's a problem loading this menu right now.
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