At The Borderline . All beginnings are lovely - or so the sage proclaims. Relationships per se are difficult. Two individuals come together - attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment, and lifestyles collide - and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship. Remember we all have personality traits, which does not make us personality disordered. The film Fatal Attraction quite an excellent performance by Glenn Close and the recent court case of Jodi Arias come to mind. What do all the films and print stories have in common?
We are here to listen compassionately. Our free, confidential telephone consultation will help you find the best treatment program for you. We can also guide you in approaching a loved one who needs treatment. Skip to content Admissions Search for:. Begin Your Recovery Journey.
Struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder? You're Not Alone. We're Here to Help. Email Us. Passion and Fear in BPD Relationships Borderline Personality Disorder is a chronic and complex mental health disorder marked by instability, and interpersonal relationships are often the stage on which this instability plays out. Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless.
If someone treats me badly, then I become bad. When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing. For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion: There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that.
Call for a Free Confidential Assessment. The Possibility of Healing from BPD Unfortunately, the misconceptions surrounding borderline personality disorder often lead people to assume relationships with those who suffer from the condition are doomed to fail.
Treatment at Bridges to Recovery At Bridges to Recovery, we specialize in diagnosing and treating psychiatric and emotional issues such as borderline personality disorder. We can help you or your loved one start on the path to healing. Previous Next. Related Blogs. Dependent Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality April 16, I then found your site.
I can clearly see that the only thing where she is to blame is that she knows she needs help but refuses to seek it. The rest lays upon me I had three choices: 1 Man up 2 Man up and leave or 3 Be insecure and cling to her.
I choose 3. I do know that going forward this will have made me a better person with or without her. Thanks Rick! Hello Rick, I have a question. Being with my BPD girl on and off for 7 years.
During last pull-push episode decided to do things differently, to make her work harder for the relationship. She tried several times to reestablish contact, but I rejected her. Wanted her to invest more Now she is not contacting me anymore. Did I mist the moment? My point is to get her back, but for good this time. Will it be a weakness if I contact her now? Or perhaps I am on better position, after rejecting her in the past?
May I have your opinion? Hindsight is something I try to avoid. Just do what you can to improve yourself and your own lifestyle. They only love themselves! Anyone who spends anytime in a relationship with a BDP will soon realize that the life they had will be sucked out of them. BPDs spend their entire life causing chaos for those around them! They have no ability to listen, because they have the emotional capacity of a child! I dated a BPD for 3 years, she spent the entire time throwing fits, starting fights and then topped it off with a cheating!
All the while, telling me she loved me like no other. If you want a peaceful life, stay away! I get it. And millions of men struggle with this, thanks to the horrible programming of our society. I was in a relationship with a BDP for the 11 months. There were a lot of red flags right away. We slept together the first night I met her.
She said she loved me within two weeks. She was extremely clingy. Right away she told me about sexual trauma at a young age which she blamed her mother for. Her father was non-existent emotionally. She said her siblings were drug addicts and compulsive liars. She never held a job more than a year, though highly educated. She told me about times she physically attacked her ex-husband over small arguments, and just laughed it off.
She had been a cutter, and suffered from bouts of anorexia. I ignored the red flags because my ego was being stroked. She mirrored all my interests falsely, bought me gifts, amazing sex, and seemed like my soul mate. After 7 months I started to spend more time with her exclusively, and the drama emerged.
There was constant turmoil in her life with work, family, finances, ect. She became hot and cold with me. She began testing my boundaries in public. She became extremely jealous even of family then flirt with other men and throw it in my face.
Then she started drinking heavily, picking fights over nothing and viciously attacked me physically when I tried to leave one night. I no longer recognized her. I drew the line at physical violence and I left for the first time. She threatened to kill herself so I contacted her family and got out anyway. I started to think maybe it was my fault so I went to counseling, read several books, and even got a life coach.
She begged me for a second chance, and I gave it to her. Within weeks her old abusive ways returned. I refused to be her victim, and told her I wanted to talk. She knew what was coming and disappeared completely, never even responded to methankfully. A week later she was dating someone new. I later learned about BDP and it everything clicked. If you see the red flagsrun. But this girl is beyond BPD obviously with the cutting, anorexia, etc.
They say men who survive relationships with BPD women are people who are either doormats or extreme narcissists. Let me ask you this - do you think any high quality, high profile guys would have any trouble dating a BPD? The answer is no. Let me ask you something Rick, do YOU think a high quality, high profile guy would even think about dating a woman like this?
Plenty of successful BPD relationships out there. I am in a relationship with a girl for about 5 months now. Initially she told me she had anxiety disorder however after 3 months into the relationship after I already fell in love with her and there were deep feelings involved I found out that she also suffers from a chronic eating disorder and OCD. Later on I found out she also has BPD.
We loved and cared about each other. We were even discussing moving in together and buying a house, etc. Her attitude completely changed in the 4th month becoming cruel and almost intentionally trying to hurt me. So I was being very supportive, loving and caring, I was bending backwards for her even when she was having her mood swings. About a week ago, she asked to have a break from us for a couple of weeks to a month till she sorts out her feelings towards her ex.
I respected her wish and never called, txted and seen her since. I really love the girl and she can be the most caring and loving person when she needs to bewe had such a beautiful relationship. So I am thinking of giving it time until he either dumbs her again or she gets bored and dumbs him. Can you please advise as to how I should proceed now? How can I not be needy or let her walk all over me and be distant while at the same time show her that I care and love her?
How can I make her want me and crave me as she did before? Pleaaassseee help me. My new book Toxicity is all about that so be on the look out for it when it comes out soon.
Jul 03, Here's some advice on dating someone with BPD. If you are dating someone with BPD, it will be important for you to take the time to learn about this mental disorder. Educate yourself on what the typical symptoms are, so that you can manage these when your love interest is acting out due to his or her BPD. Dating A Girl With BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) Dating a Girl With BPD Starts With Better Mindsets. The word 'BPD' has so many negative words associated with it. I'm Center Yourself. Pass Her Tests. Be a Man. Yes, you and your girlfriend should be a team. You two should grow . Apr 19, For Karla, a year old woman recently diagnosed with BPD, Dr. Greenberg's description is right on point. "When I feel as though someone is secretly attacking me, I will get on the defense, become overly emotional, moody, and dramatic, and perhaps will call them out on northamericanjunioramateur.com: Elisabet Kvarnstrom.
Female BPD here, in recovery. I also used to be very promiscuous. It seemed like I always dated two different types of men. One was the man who had a lot of unresolved anger, would push me away when I tried to get close, was very shady, and had a very abusive mother whom he felt obligated to take care of and was a god in bed.
Then I met Casanova and fell in love. Unfortunately, he was very emotionally dishonest. In the beginning, I stood up to him and called him on his B. And the more I kept trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and help him and love him, the more he seemed to misinterpret everything as criticism, unless I literally smothered him with compliments.
Basically, it was just the most emotionally traumatic 6 months of my life. But it opened my eyes. When he tried to get close to me, I noticed that suddenly I became critical of him. I decided to ignore that impulse and open up to him. At first, the relationship was all about me. The emotional trauma I endured with Casanova had brought up suppressed memories of childhood trauma, and I was very fragile. Emotionally Stable listened to all of this, and I was terrified he would run.
In fact, he seemed to like me more. I told him upfront that I never wanted to disrespect his boundaries, but I really needed him to always be honest with me about his feelings and to be very gentle. He agreed. Once, when we were on a date and I began ruminating on the past, he expressed displeasure.
I became fearful he would run, but I really respected him for being honest and it helped me to see what I was doing. He was very considerate of my feelings and genuinely wanted to learn to please me in bed. Sometimes I was so overwhelmed that I would burst into tears. I had seriously just never had a man that I was so attracted to take time to learn about me- a guy who cared more about pleasing me than himself.
We took turns giving each other massages and treating each other to meals. It was very reciprocal. I found myself really liking and admiring him. He would return texts and answer phone calls and even initiated them himself.
This just made me like him more, and I began really wanting to know more about him. I am so thankful that he modeled for me what a healthy relationship feels like. And now I can finally be the kind of woman who can appreciate and attract that kind of man.
In one of your answers you said that BPDs are really attracted to a man that does what he wants. I am BPD, and I hate when my boyfriend gets to do whatever he wants. I want him to be around me all the time. I know I know, before you jump on me haha I know I still feel very abandoned and rejected when he does his own thing. I was only just diagnosed with BPD a few months ago and I have a lot to learn.
But a lot of the stuff you say should help a relationship just sounds like it helps the man, not the BPD. A lot of guys are the opposite of your BF and they try to hang around their gf all the time. She likes it at first but is soon tired of it.
Thank you for cutting through the BS and Doc-speak. To add a kicker to it all, its a long-distance relationship, being about miles apart. She works from home, I work M-F. This only leaves weekends, with us alternating who visits who each weekend. We got along great the first couple of months, then I would get a bizarre text from her accusing me of something ridiculous.
Have fun!! She has since used the flight response whenever fights got intense, packing up her things and leaving mid-weekend, regardless of what was planned. And the whole time I was trying to be rational and talk it out and debate it and argue it. We became a sort of running joke with my friends based on how many times we were broken up or together.
Not funny. I love her and feel for her and know that she had a shit upbringing from her mother. No meltdowns!
Interesting. dating girl with bpd simply
We discussed therapy but she basically refused and went to a psychic instead. Having this available is a life-changer. And it also helped shine a light on my co-dependency habits. I got some work to do. Thanks again Rick. Everything is absolute with her. On top of that, she exacerbates and twists situations, stories in order to make herself a victim. Case in point, the times that I have had to flee have made me into the bad guy with her friends and family.
Now my mistake was that I used to assume ownership and blame in order to try and calm the situation down, but that only caused more frequent breakouts. She always worries that I am cheating yet at the same time she tries to make me jealous by threatening to sleep with other people if I do not give her sex. As to that topic, my BPD has to have sex in order to feel that the relationship is progressing and for reassurance that she is pretty, beautiful and worthy of being loved.
She is the most sexual girlfriend I have been with but if you retreat from sex for a while all hell breaks loose. She cannot go without it, even for short periods of time without spiraling out.
I believe the turning point for me was when she physically attacked me in a rage over not having sex. At that moment I finally drew a line with her and gave her an ultimatum as it pertains to physical abuse. Do it again and spend a night in jail. BPD or not some things cannot be permitted. Anyways, I still pull my hair out sometimes because of the constant drama that comes with the relationship.
Even worse, the change between minutes, hours and sometimes days of those moods. She obviously has much maturing to do so this is one of those tricky situations. Wow, just wow. My story reads like the rest. I am proud that I managed to stay with her for two years, the most exciting and mentally exhausting two years of my life. I was down at the time, and depressed. She prolly saw me as an easy mark. Anyway, the honeymoon lasted 3 or months lots of sex, and booze. We moved in together for 5 months, which was a complete debacle, she hated me during this time HATE.
I Moved out, but we continued dating. I would stay over for three or so nights, then she would throw me out. I made the the mistake of begging, pleading, trying to reason with her. Eventually she would come around after a couple days, but her coldness only grew more frequent and the verbal abuse more brutal. Then the cheating started.
She slept her way through her ex boyfriends, always rationalizing it, blaming me for cheating on her I never did. Then about six months ago she decided that we were just dating, and not her boyfriend and was open that she was going to MAYBE see other people and I should to. I agreed like a chump, but would beg and cry every time she would run off. She always wanted to be with me. The situation worsened a few months ago; She called the cops, she became even more paranoid, she broke my laptop, the sex became less frequent but still amazing.
Two weeks ago she went into a rage after a decent night together, I left. I of course like a chump, emailed numerous times, how much I love her, miss her, and would take care of her. She went silent again, I continued to email for a few days, then stumbled across your site.
After reading though your site, I emailed her that if she wanted to end it, I was sorry, but her choice. Then went NC For a couple days. Well, low and behold, she emails asking me to come over and rub her back, which I said maybe this week, but not tonight. My gut is saying, run and no contact. But my heart says try. What should I do? Any chance? Should I contact her Friday?
What can say, I like em pretty, sexy and crazy. Thanks in advance if you reply. I am currently going through a break up with a girl I suspect to have BPD and I am looking for help in how to best reach back out to her after giving her the space she said she needed.
We had been talking for 4 months and official for 4 months as well. She eliminates both girls and guys and moves to the next group of friends. On top of all this she was previously married and never told me.
I would like to both gain a better sense of closure while also expressing my desire to be there in whatever she is going through. I give her support when she needs it and space when she needs it. I can do that because I figured out on my own she had the disorder, started understanding her, and I care about her.
Things become even more complicated if you are dating someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). While the beginnings of a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder might take you to the greatest euphoric heights imaginable, it can also take you to the lowest lows. Knowing what to look for can help you to better maintain a relationship with someone with BPD. Advice - Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) At The Borderline . All beginnings are lovely - or so the sage proclaims. Relationships per se are difficult. Two individuals come together - attraction, lust, love, personality styles, personal and family histories, attachment, and lifestyles collide - and there you are in the middle of a daring, challenging, and steamy relationship. Jun 17, There's a critical ct of dating someone with borderline personality disorder you must understand, and this is they are not malicious people. They work within their logical and limited mindsets, but here's the kicker: people with BPD are codependent. These men and women are attracted to and attract other people who suffer from northamericanjunioramateur.com: Mikki Donaldson.
I have two points. If a man chooses to deal with someone with this affliction good for him. However even a well functioning bpd can be a lot to take on especially if you have stress in your own life. There is nothing wrong with someone for simply saying get out of my life.
Second Bpds are pretty smart and good at only giving you part of the story. My ex hid a lot fromme including a pill problem. You are right on one thing, Rick. You do learn a lot about yourself!
You just got to go with the flow really. Hi Rick, I have stumbled upon your site while looking for some advice on how to deal with my BPD boyfriend of 2 yrs. I have found some interesting things on co-dependency which had not occurred to me previously and will be putting your advice into action. We have broken up a couple times but only more recently have I been thinking seriously about making this permanent.
He has had occasional days here and there and has been very eager to work when it comes up so I do believe he is trying. When we fight about this - usually after me asking him to do some housework - he will hurl abuse at me before storming off for a day or two.
If you could email me I would greatly appreciate it. My advice for women that are dealing with a crazy boyfriend is to limit yourself around him.
I know a lot of women that go out of there way to really help out the boyfriend, but it never gets reciprocated or appreciated mainly due to the fact that the guy is crazy, lol.
So my story begins with this beautiful girl I met online. At first we just did some light talk back and forth, but as time went on about a week or so we exchanged numbers and began talking about a potential relationship.
We talked about our interests and similarities via text and phone conversation for about a week. By the time that Saturday came, I asked her to be my girlfriend and we became a happy couple for about 5 weeks. I could tell she was really happy to be mine and I was really happy to be hers.
Right! dating girl with bpd not take heart!
We even exchanged how much we love each other over this 5 week period and life was great for the two of us until just recently. I noticed she started becoming very distant and said she was too busy to or too tired to talk to me or see me she had an intense week of midterms to study for.
I was a bit shocked to her this from her because it felt very real to me, but I respected her decision to do want to do so. I started noticing today though that she changed her status and is even starting to delete pics of us off of the internet. Respecting her decision to want to take a break, I have not yet contacted her about this. She has a painful past with other guys cheating on her and with the death of her father within these past couple of years.
I told I have never had a girlfriend before, but I would never in the right mind do anything that could hurt her. She still claims she loves me though. What should I do in this situation?
Do you think she has BPD? Thanks for any help or advice.
Also forgot to mention she was extremely homesick and that her father that passed away was abusive towards her and her mother.
Hi Rick, came across your page and seeking some insight and help. During the time we spoke long distance it was as if we had known each other for years and for me I knew we would one day be together. Over the years he blew me off many times after seeming so interested ect. I guess this was me being naive and me wanting to believe in love. He grew up in a broken family and was verbally and physically abused as a child and adult. I tried to become his helper and caregiver. The first year was the roughest.
Very abusive and violent behavior on his part and I took it. He stopped all. This is my question and concern. Did he stop for me or did he come to the realization that there was something wrong? He says he was afraid of losing me. But then he come to the realization that was he did was wrong and apologizes. I have distanced myself. I sense he is very unhappy and that makes me very unhappy and miserable. People can only change themselves when they admit they have a problem.
It simply means that his personality is what it is. Drugs are a choice, but who he is is not a choice. It developed over the years and he is who he is. You must keep doing this.
They basically need a father-like figure in their life. And something that I mention quite often is the fact that I believe alcoholism to be much worse than BPD.
Like times worse, lol. Hey Rick first I want to thank for providing some very useful info about dating a bpd. My relationship with a bpd just ended. She said she wanted to work on herself before she tries to get back with me, so I guess she kind of acknowledged that she has some type of problem. Not only that but during this time I found out that she was actually cheating on me with her ex boyfriend I even provided her with the evidence and she still has the nerve to deny it!!!
Did you ever experience this particular ct of bpd with your exes? Prior to meeting her I was a healthy 24 year old male full of self confidence, she made my life a total wreck. Yes my first BPD relationships ended like that, just cheating behind my back.
Dating girl with bpd
People in general lie and cheat, it just is what it is. Thanks for your comment :. Hi, I have just recently realized that I was having a fling or something with a male borderliner. So naturally I did everything wrong. It was fuld of drama but I kind of liked a little drama.
I am passionate. I dont think he knows he is bdp. But is aware that he has a different personality. Thats ok with me, cause it seems like he is working with him self to controle the impulses and are aware of them.
And I like that he Challengs me and the powerstruggle. I dont really know what i was doing right or wrong in the relationship, but was able to get him to come back.
No matter how many times i broke it off with him. I am a successfull, attractive and very strong woman. And he seeks controle over me constantly. And pules away when i dont give it to him. And at the same time pules away when i do try to give a little. Talks and behave as though we are a couple, Even though i have told him we are not. And he needs to date me if he want that to bee the case and spend time with me.
Also i cant get him to agree just to have a fling or bedste friends with benefits. It seems like he want that but Falls in love with me everytime he is with me and I think i make ham in secure and nervous. But he pushes me away when i have slept with him. He always makes half dates appointments when we are together and are all exitement. I cant seem to make him spend time with me other than No matter what i do.
I realized it is My fault, cause in the beginning I just wanted just that. Buisy life, independent woman and all that. But now i am curious and want too see i we can make it work for real. But I am a fraid to give in to him and declare him My boyfriend.
It seems as though that is what he want me to. But at the same time it Also seems as though it is more of a accomplishment thing for him. He has very low selfasteem, so I am wurried he just want the boost and the Will move on as soon as i have given in. I have been reading up on bdp and fear of abandonment. So I am trying something different. In stead of get mad and brake it off when he is behaving bad towards me, i am just telling him that i ned a break, explaines what he did wrong and that it doesent meen that i dont care for him or want to Hurt or manipulate him.
But that i dont want to BeAround him, when he treats me bad.
How Does Borderline Personality Disorder Affect Romantic Relationships?
That we are still friends and that we can talk when he is back to normal. Is that a mistake? Will that just make him think that i am secured and loose interest?
Also I could use some info, like this article, just where the genders are reversed. Really Hope you can help. And sorry for the misspelling, im danish. And he is turkish back grund. So dont know how much is cultural and if it makes a difference. I am going to be releasing an article like this for dating a male BPD. Let me ask you this, have you ever asked him about his exes? I was diagnosed last June. I have a girlfriend who wants to understand my disorder. I am in college, and sometimes, I just need space.
Is that normal? I also struggle with self-harm. Hi Rayette, yes wanting space is perfectly normal!
Agree dating girl with bpd agree, remarkable phrase
She should understand that being needy is unhealthy, which more people are. As for your family, that sucks but I understand you as well. I dropped out of college to pursue my own entrepreneur businesses and projects.
Now I run this website full-time. So you just gotta do what you want to do! Haters gonna hate! I dated and married a BPD women who had undergone a significant amount of psychological counseling before we met.
What I learned after 17 years of marriage is that it trained her to cover up and hide her issues. I heard family stories of her teenage years and she blamed them on her Mother, parents divorce, etc. Her Mother definitely has BPD. She learned to bury her issues in her workattained PhD and had a great career.
After a number of years of marriage, things got stressful at work and she started having anxiety about aging when she was close to She went through a midlife crisis, but as I discovered, really became who she already was. She did a lot of crazy things and I am now trying to finish a divorce without setting her off again for the sake of my kids.
She started the process five years ago. I never saw any of this coming and I would not have chosen this situation if I had known the issues. Call me weak or whatever.
I will now never remarry and will maintain only physical relationships. I also now theorize that Alphas are emotionally detached little kids who were hurt at some point and protect themselves by acting hardened and being able to walk away and not becoming emotionally connected in a relationship.
I completely agree with you. They just move through life creating their own path and minding their own business. No amount of criticism can knock them down. Quality women love real alpha males as I described above. Insecure women love the fake alpha male. These relationships always fail. I know it sucks. But shit I commend you for taking responsibility.
Congratulate, very dating girl with bpd opinion
Your experience just is what it is. Never bad talk the mother. Teach your kids to constantly be searching for that inner strength and peace, teach them to believe in themselves, teach them about inner confidence, strong core values, etc.
NEVER put down your kids, always support their endeavors. As the man, you can provide everything your kid needs, even the nurturing side of things. Wrestle with your sons, tell your daughters how much you want to cuddle them and then tickle them for fun, just be there. This diagnosis is completely sexist and outdated.
We do have intense emotions. Again, we are female and have been invalidated often. We do suffer from depression that can lead to destructive behavior, probably because we have not been properly treated from the sexual exploitation we endured.
If she is, and her emotions are erratic go to couples therapy with her and talk to her about her behavior. Borderlines are self-loathers and will gladly accept help and be open to therapy. Our egos are deflated and we are open to correcting our behavior.
I agree with Kate.
It actually kills me to read all the hate. I too blame my mom. Im one of 5 and I just wasnt good enough. If i was mad at her she favored one of the other children and made you feel like complete shit.
Its difficult for me to wrap my head around because I never had any sexual abuse or trauma like that. My disorder is completely caused by how I was raised and how I was never taught properly how to cope with emotions because my mom herself couldnt even cope with hers.
To this day she will not admit to having a problem but she does. The best thing that will work is to find someone that has a strong personality and strong confident sense of self worth because they will be the one to tell you no and put their foot down. The weaker ones are the ones I took advantage of and not completely.
I loved them I did. My most recent relationship was a roller coaster of breaking up and getting back together. I always just wanted to spend time with him because he was the center of my world. I loved him with all of my heart. I did feel awful if I made him upset but I would get angry when I felt like he didnt care.
Until recently I thought that we just were not connecting properly. We watched a documentary about BPD and it was frightening how accurate it was. I reflected on this movie and turned to my psychiatrist right away. I had all of the symptoms. I never knew what was wrong with me. I told my boyfriend to tell me when my emotions were getting out of control to just point it out. Giving him that permission will help me feel like he is helping me and not just saying it whenever he feels like it.
When he points these out to me I will be able to regroup and chill out for a second. When Im caught up in the moment everything else doesnt matter. Im hoping he can take steps to help me help us and myself. I honestly think that this is key. Again, you have to become aware of your condition and want to help. I was never aware so when he pointed out that i was being unreasonable in the past I took it personally and was pissed that he would say I was over reacting because in my head it was completely valid.
Now, if he told me that I would most likely take a step back. Its real. Its sad. But we are all people so we do need to be loved as well. That is one of the biggest wants from someone with BPD. After being diagnosed I read through my old diary entries and just kept seeing every sign. Our biggest fights were because I felt like he didnt care. I just needed him to have a little more heart and emotion when delivering news I wont like.
Cancelling plans was a big one or being late. Accept that and treat situations like that and you will be okay. We dont want to feel like this. We really cant help it. Only get out of the relationship if you are weak minded. I always was apologizing after I had time to think. He would leave to calm down and being left alone killed me but it made me reflect on the situation and I would be the one apologizing when he came back.
I always felt the need for him to apologize for some of his behavior too but that rarely happened. Which kind of made me feel crazy for always being the mess up. I just got out of a relationship with a bpd female.
We moved in with one another and she had a kid from another marriage. I did everything for her, I would still do anything for her, except sacrifice my sanity and my health.
These people are clueless when it comes to relationships. They are blinded by their own pain. They have zero idea how their behaviours affect people. The amount of pain they cause is staggering. They simply cannot offer any emotional nourishment for their partner, and so slowly drain you of your soul. I hate it. It took away the love of my life, and has caused her so much pain.
My advice is to keep loving her, until you see the faultlines emerge in your own sanity and health. They are not bad people, and you are not a bad person for leaving. You are saving two people if you leave at the right time. I wish I were wrong. I happen to be male and suffer from bpd,it sucks feeling abandoned,not only am I adoptebut even after finding my biological parents at age 31 and establishing a relationship.
I really love my wife and if I do pass I can only hope she will get my life insurance paid to herI wish there was a cure because I like it when life is good and happiness is a norm. Mark if you would like I can publish a list of counselors that specialize in BPD in your area.
I be happy to do that. I also urge you to call the suicide prevention line if you have any thoughts 1 DART is gone, his post is a year old, but dang. My ex used to compare me to a werewolf, heh. It was true. All I have are claws and fangs and the thirst for hate and blood.
This article was awful. How dare you encourage people to run away from anyone with BPD. Try to have a little compassion for the suffering of others. I fell in love. My girl friend has this. We broke up. She never told me she had it. Now we are back together. She was afraid I would think she was crazy. I have studyed hard I m learning. We love each outher and together we will overcome.
This article not only was written in a negative light but is super misleading. Your article sucks all the hope that ppl with BPD such as myself will have no hope in a relationship. To all the girls with BPD upset about this article, thank you. Thank you for showing us the heart of this disorder, self centeredness.
Instead of complaining about the truth in this article, how about admitting you have a problem, go get help, and stop dating men until you are healthy enough to have an adult relationship. This is so generalizing. To all those people that defended this article remember this is being spewed out to the masses. When people generalize it causes fear. I myself was diagnosed with BPD. It really peeves me because I live also as an incredibly self aware person.
I am not at all as bad as most, but I do have it. Seeing this made me so scared for the individuals like me. That we are that disposable? I know I put him through trauma, and it only adds to my own!
I hope all that read this are able to pick that out. There is no human being that is perfect. Remember that!!!! Rather than acknowledge that you have a proble, you double down and continue to blame others. Sorry guys, nobody needs to sit around and endure your bull crap and to be mentally and physically abused. You are still accountable and you need to own up to it.
My wife of 12 years was just diagnosed with this condition, and I have lost her to this disorder. This disorder has ruined my life. How sad.
Wow, i feel like this was written about my relationship its almost scary! Thank you for this, it is helpful. Many people with BPD seem to be making comments about how this article offended them. I did not read it that way. When I read this article, I was actually about to copy the link and send it to my husband so he could read it.
I felt that it explained BPD fairly accurately. I have been married for 10 years with BPD. My husband is very grounded in who he is, which helps. He helps me calm down when he can see that my voice is starting to elevate and I start speaking in a frantic-like tone. I know many of the men that have commented here are also probably patient, kind, and loving.
The important thing to remember is that no two people with BPD are going to be the same. Good luck to all of you with BPD and all who are struggling in a bpd relationship or the aftermath of a bpd relationship!