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Man given glass of wine at 1pm has no option now but to keep drinking. A MAN given a glass of white wine at 1pm has been left with no choice but to continue drinking until nightfall. Wedding list taking the absolute piss.
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ARE you always bumping into wanker neighbours or people you briefly met years ago, leading to stilted banter with long, awkward pauses? Posh twat family commandeers two square miles of park for picnic. Idiot believes everything is fake except wrestling. A YOUNG man is convinced that everything in modern life is a bogus conspiracy except professional wrestling. How to pretend to enjoy being on holiday when you're terrified.
Man slightly too far away to hold the door for. A MAN is not quite close enough to hold the door open for, it has been confirmed. THE middle classes have confirmed that they do not eat takeaways, even when buying food at an establishment and removing it to consume elsewhere.
FEMALE body hair is a massive turn-off for virgins, shallow narcissists and picky twats, it has emerged. Meghan Markle or Amal Clooney: who is the most evil?
But which has the truest claim to being pure evil? Man will approve haircut unless an ear has been cut off.
A MAN receiving a haircut has confirmed he will nod appreciatively when the barber asks unless he has lost his entire ear.
Dogs win Worst Pet for 14th year in row.
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Forget littering: Five other ways to ruin beauty spots for others. Here are some suggestions. Cunning middle class drinkers put off going to the pub until this weekend. CLEVER middle class people are going to the pub this weekend instead, having dodged both the common folk and the rush. COVID-themed chat-up lines that won't get you anywhere.
Looking to score now the pubs are reopening? Boyfriend talking over programme like he's more interesting than television.
A WOMAN'S partner keeps starting conversations in front of the television believing he is more appealing than what she has chosen to watch. Fancy six pints? A MAN has startled colleagues by stating the exact amount of alcohol he intends to drink on a putative night out.
Kids on nature walk couldn't give a shit about it. A GROUP of children on an enriching nature walk could not have given less of a shit about it, they have confirmed. White bloke with dreadlocks turns out to be the hard kind. A WHITE man with dreadlocks assumed to be the trust-fund type was instead the hard dog-on-a-rope kind, a shaken man has confirmed.
Office twat has three months of twattishness saved up. THE chancellor of the exchequer has been handing out freebies left, right and centre. Gyms, swimming pools and other fetid death traps to reopen this week.
THE government has given the all-clear for enclosed spaces in which people grunt, thrash around and spray body fluids to open again this month. You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. Want to discuss real-world problems, be involved in the most engaging discussions and hear from the journalists? Start your Independent Premium subscription today.
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US sports. Miguel Delaney. Streaming Hub. Geoffrey Macnab. About the Author Daisy Buchanan is a UK columnist and features writer covering arts, entertainment, and women's issues.
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Verified Purchase. I feel a little mean in only giving this book 4 stars rather than 5. The reason I've done so is that it's very, very good, but more aimed at women than men, so wouldn't be ideal for everyone.
It's very cleverly, funnily and honestly written, and I'm sure it will both help and greatly entertain the friend I bought it for, but it would be just a smidgeon less useful to me than her, I suspect. I realise that's a bit like criticising a Ferrari because it can't go off-road not for long, anyhow! But another way of saying 'slightly less than perfect' is 'Brilliant', which this is. Thank you for your feedback.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again. Some great dating tales here, some that will make you cringe. Also some good advice on those embarking on the sometimes scary world of online dating. Daisy Buchanan is wise and funny. This book is a must read for Internet lovers and for those looking to use the Internet to find love.
One person found this helpful. I met Daisy on Twitter, when I laughed so hard at one of her tweets a bit of the Crunchy Nut Cornflakes I was eating came out of my nose. Which is how I - a happily married woman who last dated when there was dial up no, really - found myself reading a book about Internet dating. I knew it'd be funny see above and I hoped I might learn how to sound less clueless or patronising when discussing dating with my single mates.
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