Well, provided her partner has his life together, you could be a proud grandfather. Hopefully they are responsible enough to plan such a thing without any surprises. But if she gets pregnant and it doesn't work out, he's in a far worse situation than she. It's in his best interest to not get her pregnant because these days a man can lose all of his parenting rights and every penny he makes in such a situation. It's certainly cause for hesitation.
Maybe it would put you at ease to remind him that family courts most certainly will not be on his side and gauge how sensible he is when it comes to responsibly having premarital sex with your daughter. He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents. It sounds like they have something in common.
Hey he could be a lot more mature and experienced than the guys her age. It could very well be much worse. Unless there's some specific cause for alarm, I can't see anything to worry about here any more than if she were dating a guy who is I got together with my current girlfriend when she was 16 and I was Not AS big a difference, but a significant enough of one to be a concern for myself as well as it took a long time for me to be truly sure her parents approved.
It was rather awkward for me to ask about it, as you'll understand, but it would have saved us all quite a bit of a headache if we had opened this conversation from either side.
The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy. She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her. Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying. Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life.
Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns. Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are.
Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings. Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life. For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her.
Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment. It's just good habit. You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified. If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way.
Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact. Things are above-board and within bounds, it seems. If you trust your daughters judgement and maturity then you can ration your concerns or reserve them for indications of the pace of progress in the relationship. Relative age difference will diminish quickly over time. I don't have much else to add but I would bring you to note that age is not just a chronological number.
There is biological age and your mental and emotional age to consider. The specific circumstances in your daughter's instance might not be out of order. Your daughter is in a high risk, but also high reward situation. You can't and shouldn't prevent the relationship, but you should set some ground rules to minimize the risks, and maximize the rewards.
Charming message dating a 17 year old and being 25 happens
I am reminded of an old American story of a year old girl who chased and won a year old military officer, who later became a General, William Westmoreland. At an early age, she had latched on to a "winner," and her life was made.
I'm 25 and I'm starting to date a 17 year old, I wonder if it really is wrong.? basically i have known this girl for quite a couple of years, my best-friends brother is married to her sister, we. Sep 18, There is absolutely no illegality when a year-old dates a year-old. Mr. Padove is licensed to practice law in Illinois and Indiana and is located in Highland, Indiana serving the Chicagoland area to Indianapolis. The response herein is not legal advice and . So for a year-old, the upper age limit would be 34 (17 * 2). With some quick math, the rule provides a minimum and maximum partner age based on your actual age that, if you choose to follow it.
I see a possibility of that happening here. It's comforting to know that the young man "seems a very sensible person, and owns his own successful business. If he is also "honourable," and this is the key, he will protect your daughter. If this is the case, "the game is worth the candle.
The main thing is to set some standards. First, that "protection" is used for all physical activities. Second, that she keeps track of where the relationship is at all times.
Third, that she comes to you for help and guidance if she ever feels that she's in over her head. Adolescent girls are more mature than guys by several yearsin the late teens and early 20s. So the eight year difference in ages may be more like four or five in maturity. It could be that two people who are both unusually mature for their ages "found" each other at a young age. If that's the case, they will be more compatible over the long term than either with other, more "random," people closer to their own age.
It's also possible that one or both of them senses this. As parents, I wouldn't stand in their way, but I would "stand by" for possible trouble. Sign up to join this community. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top. Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered.
How to respond to 17 year old daughter going out with a 25 year old man? Ask Question. Asked 3 years, 3 months ago. Active 3 years, 2 months ago. Viewed 70k times. Tom Au 2 2 silver badges 8 8 bronze badges. Please use comments for clarification, not tangential observations or answers - use Parenting Chat if you want to discuss! Sorry, I don't understand your point, "I can only think he's with her for one reason! If you're not a native English speaker, that phrase "for one reason!
Fattie, I am not a native speaker, but isn't that contradictory to OP: "he must be thinking about starting a family, marriage, etc and her starting out in life. It contradicts the premise. Based on the logic, it shows that "Reductio ad absurdum.
Active Oldest Votes. For instance: You have knowledge of the guys work and living situation. They presumably live close You have another set of parents you can communicate with. You KNOW about the situation. It's not a secret.
Dating a 17 year old and being 25
So don't panic. These are good things. You sound like a great parent and I wish the very best to you and your daughter. My year is the first year to be required to stay in full time education until the academic year in which we turn The child in question is either my year or the year below.
I'm not saying this is a bad answer, but it is quite anecdotal.
Fattie Age difference matters less once your older, but as a teenager the gap is much more pronounced and thus concerning. Fattie respectfully, that sounds like a complete assumption on your part. Why not do both? Peter Peter 2, 7 7 silver badges 18 18 bronze badges.
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation is not constructive and has been moved to chat. Several answers already, but I want to address a couple of your concerns. That was 20 years ago, so I can tell you how it turned out. We are happier than ever. We have 7 amazing kids, ages 18 to 2.
Our oldest is already succeding at university. Martin Argerami Martin Argerami 5 5 silver badges 10 10 bronze badges. You married a year-old at 28? You ol' dog, you! I married a year-old, when I was My husband and I got married early and travelled after, together.
I'm glad this all worked out for you, but it's very anecdotal and I don't feel it offers OP any real advice. Giving birth at 17 means that the person in question would never get to experience fully independent life.
I'd be extremely wary of such advice. The general rule of thumb for age appropriateness is half plus 7. The obligatory XKCD cartoon: 25 and 17 is slightly over. Pete Pete 2 2 silver badges 2 2 bronze badges. How did you do the math? Not that I disagree with your answer but using the rule of thumb here may not be the best argument. This is terrible advice.
Just adding that this is a well-known "metric" anti creep factor in Scandinavia as well. How is that relevant for the parent asking advice about their teenage daughter In 3 years they will be a perfectly acceptable couple.
This is more of a comment than an answer, no? I'm not sure. I wrote my opinion about this topic as the "grown up guy" to help the questioner decide what to do. Is it love? You have not even mentioned that important fact.
All these subjects can be discussed honestly and with respect. Unfortunately, with a year-old, it's impossible to say if it's really love. What does "Is it love? Omegacron - to be fair, that is a generalization. As anecdotal evidence: I was around that age when my husband and I started dating and he is 4 years older than me. We have been together for 6 years and happily married for almost 4 years now.
That said, we were also both in the same stage of life and met in university which does not seem to be the case in the OP. I would like to know because I strongly suspect it's the culprit of all the divorces. With a little less "true love" and "Love" with a capital "L" people might end up actually getting to know each other as people, liking each other and marrying because they understand they are a good fit and can work together long term even when everything isn't all rosy.
What do marriage and education have to do with each other here? My 2 cents. Peter Mortensen 1 1 silver badge 6 6 bronze badges. Chuck Muffinn Chuck Muffinn 91 1 1 bronze badge. This phrase is often misused in this way and it's is a very big problem when discussing issues like this. No, it usually refers to emotional and cognitive maturity, not physical maturity. I hope this of some comfort. Throwaway Throwaway 1 1 gold badge 5 5 silver badges 10 10 bronze badges. Graham Graham 4 4 silver badges 8 8 bronze badges.
Your main motivation is probably to protect your daughter from whatever harm may befall her. I would concentrate on exactly this, and only this. I see two objective risks you have to be concerned about: Her getting pregnant and the boy leaving her to fend for herself.
Being in an abusive relationship which will leave her earnestly damaged. Both those things would do real damage to her, likely for life. AnoE AnoE 1, 5 5 silver badges 15 15 bronze badges. Get to know him as a friend I heard stories from my parents: when he took her home after a date, it was her bedtime she was in high schoolso she would retire to her room.
I suggest trying that. But let's look at some of the biggest concerns you've mentioned. I hope it helps. I can tell you mean well, but I think there's a couple of things in your answer that might turn off the asker and similar parents from taking in the positives from your answer. For example, maybe moving the key gist of the first "motherhood is the happier path" paragraph into the second one touching on the topic would feel less "preachy" to many people?
It would be really unfair to the asker for me to assume that they are so sensitive that they would be unable to comprehend what I've written. I really can't bring myself to edit my answer without feeling I am insulting the reader's intelligence.
There are representative studies for that?
Apologise, dating a 17 year old and being 25 there
Please don't quote things I did not say. Nowhere did I say or imply anything about "forced motherhood" or that the asker's concerns are not valid. If you have negative views toward motherhood, don't take them out on me and things I did not say. Go write your own answer and leave mine alone. There are plenty of polls indicating that women who choose to stay at home with children are happier, if you care to look into it.
I'm saying they are not necessarily relevant to his daughters personal decision. Where on Earth did you get "forced motherhood" from?
I have no idea where this criticism of things I never said is even coming from. Stay at home moms constantly face these kinds of negative attacks and I think you should think before making just attacks on people who choose to care for their children. I can only speak from personal experience here, but I'd like to offer my two cents. Try to have this conversation with him. You'll both be glad you did.
Weckar E. I want to recap on some of the other answers and add some practical advice: Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life. Kevin van Zyl Kevin van Zyl 3 3 bronze badges. Always keep some concern. You know what males are. Tom Au Tom Au 2 2 silver badges 8 8 bronze badges. Featured on Meta. Feedback post: New moderator reinstatement and appeal process revisions.
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I have just found out that my 17 year old daughter is going out with a local 25 year old. I feel the age gap is way too big at her age. We're in the UK, so it's perfectly legal. He does seem a very sensible person. He owns his own successful business although he still lives with parents. 4 years isn't necessarily a large age difference. 40 and 44 would be fine. 30 and 26 would be fine, but the 4 years between 17 and 21 are a big 4 years. Plus you're (most likely) dating a high schooler. You're probably gonna get some grief for that. Ideally you want both partners to be mature enough to make important life decisions, which usually means both the 17 year old and the 25 year old are going to have to be mature and not childish for such a relationship to work. If either partner is immature, you are going to wind up with a .
Agree, excellent dating a 17 year old and being 25 apologise
But, the thrill of a Tinder match showering me with compliments and an occasional dick pic just doesn't and TBH never tickled my fancy. Yeah, they suck, but is it worth putting your best foot forward for a whiskey-fueled guy that will finish in two minutes? It's not. You've grown to love the nose you hated in high school, and are unapologetic about your annoying habits and quirks like being super indecisive about lunch.
Please, just no. Like I said, your dating standards will be higher. You have a good idea what your idea of Mr. Right will look like.
Mine, not dating a 17 year old and being 25 for
Meaning you're not going to waste your time on guys who don't fit the bill. Do you have a career you're obsessed with? Do we have similar hobbies or interest? Please, I have other things to do then to sit around all day wondering why he never texted me back. Make like a ghost and leave. This is probably the best thing that'll ever happen to you because you can go about your life living your unapologetic, authentic self.
I'm 17 \u0026 I'm Dating a 30 Year Old!!!! - #WheresMyTea MiniTalk Session
When you stop comparing yourself to your friends, you'll be so feel happier and free, and have way less negativity in your life.